


a house is a fort which is constantly falling apart

by thenewdarling



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-26
Updated: 2020-10-26
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:46:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,145
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27207595
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thenewdarling/pseuds/thenewdarling
Summary: The Doctor's boiler packs in.
Comments: 4
Kudos: 7





	a house is a fort which is constantly falling apart

All was quiet but the soft hum of the TARDIS engines. The lilting, almost binaural quality of it as Bill adjusted the many brass taps on the side of the antique Victorian shower. It had been a very long day, and she was in desperate need to get the muck off and nod off with some Bronté.

She closed her eyes, feeling that stinging sensation of over-tiredness on her eyelids. 

She picked her favourite shampoo and soap from the rack.

Well, well deserved.

And then she stepped into the shower, and screamed as the freezing cold water hit her like Niagara Falls.

#

"Boiler's packed in," the Doctor said, poking his head out of the vent. He had a mischievious grin as though there was something funny to be found about this. He was still wearing the dungarees and welly boots — he likely hadn't sat down yet. "It's always at the worst possible time isn't it?"

"I'm glad someone's amused," Bill said, pulling the towel around her tighter. "Can you fix it?"

The Doctor's prodigious eyebrows creased. "Do I look like a plumber to you?"

Bill rolled her eyes. "Well, what do we do then?"

The Doctor shrugged. "Phone the landlord." He shaped his hand like a phone. "Excuse me, Doctor, do you have boiler cover?" He turned 180 degrees. "Well, the direct debit defaulted when the entire planet was destroyed, I haven't checked."

Bill took a deep breath. "Ok. In that case, I'm gonna get dressed."

"You do that. I'll do all the hard work, as per usual," the Doctor grumbled, getting his sonic screwdriver out and ducking back into the vent.

#

Bill eventually decided a cold shower was better than the layers of Venusian mud, and after getting dressed in a clean set of clothes, found her way back to the console room.

"Half the library's gone," she said.

"I know, I deleted it," the Doctor said.

"Why?"

"Without the boiler heating the place, the TARDIS is slowly going to undergo entropy until it dies of hypothermia. Much like a galaxy when all the stars go out."

"That sounds serious."

"Oh yes, quite deadly. I estimate heat death in around 45 minutes."

"Why are you not panicking?"

"That's how long I usually get to fix things and they always work themselves out in the end," the Doctor said.

"What are you doing?"

"Phoning a repairman."

"Ha ha," Bill said, dripping with sarcasm. "What are you really doing?"

"No, seriously, phoning a repairman. Shush." He picked the old telephone off the console and held it to his ear, wrestling with the coiled cable as it tried to ensnare him.

"Who in the world could fix the TARDIS other than you?"

The Doctor looked at her like he really didn't want to answer that question.

A deep, deep sinking feeling fell over Bill. "Oh, no."

The Doctor looked at his feet.

"Not _her_ ," Bill said.

And with a crack, Missy materialised in the console room. "Ooh! Bit chilly in here, innit!"

"You're supposed to be in the vault!" Bill shouted.

Missy checked her watch. "And you're supposed to be a wee popsicle in about 40 minutes, so I'll no' tell the big man if you don't!"

And with that, she picked up her bustle and climbed down into the TARDIS' innards.

#

They watched her work, standing awkwardly by the door.

"Why don't you know how to do this?" Bill hissed.

"I've never had to, she's always been so good at it!" he hissed back.

"I could do wi' a cuppa if you've got the kettle boiling!" Missy shouted over. There was a shower of sparks from underneath the console that made the Doctor jump.

"Be gentle with her!" he shouted.

"Och wheesht!" Missy shouted back.

The Doctor stormed away up to the console. Bill followed, before Missy could jump on her and eviscerate her or something.

"Bloody hell it's freezing in here..." he said, rubbing his arms. He'd thrown his velvet jacket on over the dungarees now, and was in danger of tripping in the welly boots. "I used to keep jumpers about for this sort of thing."

"What happened to them?"

"I had to delete the wardrobe. I should really have thought about that first."

The lights had all gone out by now, casting the room in a dim glow.

"There's always something..." the Doctor said, looking around the room. "Always something falling apart. A house is nothing but four walls fighting the universe to stay standing, and slowly slowly losing."

"But we're safe though, right?" Bill said. "Missy can fix it."

"I expect so..." the Doctor said. He was quiet, lost in thought.

"Why did you not plan for this?" Bill said. "You could have had a plan, you've had all this time!"

"Bill Potts," he said, darkly, suddenly in the room again. "Bill Potts." He pointed at her. "Do not talk to me about plans. I've got plans falling out my backside. You can't plan for everything! And when all is said and done, and the tears are dried up and gone, and there's nothing else to do but pick up the pieces..." He paused for a dramatic intake of breath, his fist to his nose.

"Oy," Bill said. "We agreed no more dramatic monologues to get out of trouble."

The Doctor looked askance, suddenly petulant.

"Didn't we?"

"... Quite right. I suppose we did," he said quietly. Then he cleared his throat. "Are we nearly done, Missy?" he called.

"Nearly!" she shouted back. There was another explosion underneath them that rocked the floor.

"Careful!!" he shouted.

"She likes me better than you!!" Missy shouted back. "At least Mummy brings McDonalds!"

Bill rolled her eyes. "The sooner she's back in the vault, the better. Could you not have called Nardole?"

"He's busy with Bake Off," the Doctor said absently.

"What? Can he not just watch it later?" Bill said.

"No, he- never mind," the Doctor said, and they were interrupted by the lights coming back on.

Missy reappeared from under the console, wearing a huge pair of goggles and wielding an enormous toolkit that she hadn't been carrying before.

She slammed the toolkit into the Doctor's arms cheerfully. "All done!" she said, dusting her hands. "And for the record, Doctor, wit use is a _sonic_ screwdriver when you cannae use a Phillips heid?"

The Doctor looked devastated. Bill smothered a smirk.

"Bye," he said angrily, and pressed a button on the TARDIS console. She vanished with a puff of gunpowder.

He pulled the dematerialisation lever, and the TARDIS took off.

"All good?" Bill asked.

"All good, I think," he said, turning some dials and checking things. "We should be back to optimum temperature in about 10 minutes."

Bill eyed a blinking red light on the console. "What's this one mean?"

The Doctor looked at it, then looked up at her and grinned. 

"Oven's knackered."

**Author's Note:**

> Apparently when I'm on a deadline, I pump out Doctor Who fluff these days.


End file.
